Mormons Mobolize?!

( I want to start this post by stating very clearly. I am very close to Susan, probably the closest friend she had in her work life. I have known her almost the entire time she has been in Utah. I do not consider myself LDS / Mormon, in fact I am a very non traditional basic Christian, who has a strong faith in God, and the Bible. (I am in no way implying the LDS / Mormon church does not believe in the bible or God. I am not here to start debates, or cause conflict.) The following are my opinions on a recent web page added to www.susanpowell.org by Steven and Josh Powell, titled: "Mormons Mobolize"

What does this even mean.. I want to start with that.. Mobilize? As in Attack? How on earth could you seriously feel attacked? They helped you move, when everything in their soul, and every inch of their being was probably screaming inside, "Why?!" "No!"

They have been very open to you! Believe me "Mobilization, and Attacks" They look much different than what you have seen from the Mormon Church so far. I see them trying to help and work with you in the best way anyone knows how given the little information we all have to work with based on what you have provided so far. It's really hard to stay positive and be nice to the one person that saw her last, and has shared the least amount of information on what took place before she disappeared.

It is really hard to not pass judgement that you must know more, since you are appearing so unwilling to help. It appears that Josh picked up, gave up, and left, and appear that Josh is erasing everything that resembles Susan from his life as well as those precious children.. I will come back to more on that very subject later.


here is the first paragraph of the article:

" SusanPowell.org is a positive and uplifting site to spread the word about Susan and her family in the wake of this tragedy. We believe SusanPowell.org is doing a great deal in the search effort as it is keeping public interest alive. Every page published has been totally positive and yet every single page has been criticized by individuals claiming to be Susan's friends and family. Their venom leaves people asking, what is the real reason for their animosity toward Josh and his entire family and extended family? "

Ok.. I will give you that.. you are definitely keeping interest alive.. No doubt about that, since this seems to be the ONLY way Josh and Steven Powell has communicated ANYTHING since Susan's disappearance. Sadly, non of the information thus far has really been of much use in helping find Susan, we do have a better insight into the "Powell's" minds and the way they look at life.

"has been criticized by individuals claiming to be Susan's friends and family."

I don't have to "CLAIM" anything, I was very close to Susan, I took your family pictures, she fixed my hair, I worked with her for years. Everyone has a right to criticize the information that's provided, since there has been some information provided that is just not correct, close friends and family do know these things, you can throw out facts and info until you are blue in the face, they can be full of lies, but it's not going to help find Susan. Especially if: A. They are not correct. and B. It's irrelevant information into helping find Susan. (example: her extensive background given on her profession as a hairstylist)

"Their venom leaves people asking, what is the real reason for their animosity toward Josh and his entire family and extended family? "

Gee, what could it be? Why all this anger? and "Venom"

For me personally, I will answer this question.. I am upset.. for several reasons.. and guess what, again.. I'm not a Mormon, just a very close concerned friend.

You wont talk to the police, and I haven't seen you try very hard Josh..
You LEFT.. Sorry, if there was any hope she was coming home it was shattered the day I found out you were skipping out of town. NO MATTER THE PRESSURE, you should have stayed for your kids (keep their life as normal as possible) And in hopes to find your missing wife, in hopes she would come home, walk through that door.. etc.
You made a website that seems to almost MOCK Susan at times, there are little jabs here and there.. you are trying to make it look positive, but I can see the jabs.. as a close friend to Susan, if she was to read the page, she would too..
We all want to help, and we want your help. When a mass amount of people are offering up help, and you don't use the help that is offered, it tends to make people wonder. WE WANT TO FIND YOUR WIFE!


"The Powell's are working diligently to find Susan. Their detractors within that movement are not privy to what the Powell's are and have been doing, so they presume to make judgments without regard to facts."

We are all dying to know what is it you are diligently working on. Could you be more specific please?! It would be much easier to not throw any Venom your way, if we could understand better.. What are the facts? What are the Powells actually doing? In another recent article in Salt Lake Tribune, there was mention of working with 6 different law inforcement agencies? Still no specifics.. Are we throwing lies? Partial truths out there? Are you in fact "Working With" them, or have you had the privelidge of speaking breiefly and not saying much, and refusing to talk any further with six different agencies? Maybe somewhere in between? We would like to know.

Judgments that have been made, I am sure are only based on the facts we have. Susan is missing, in less than a month you move your entire family away from your family home. You have not wanted to help in the larger search efforts. I know there have been several open invitations for you. I know it's hard to see past the anger, but I can promise you, those invitations are very open, people in general would like to see you help. Your unwillingness to talk further about that night, and share any details that you know that might help, is also of concern. These are the facts that I believe people are making their judgments from.

"There seems to be one core issue that motivates this group of detractors, and that is their religious cohesion"

This is not true, especially in my case.. I am not cohesive with the Mormon Faith.. Sorry.. I want to feel for you so badly.. I want to have the ability to grieve for you Josh.. I do grieve for your kids.. Your Mother, Your Sister.. Because they are Mormon? No! NOT AT ALL.. they have shown compassion, they care, they want Susan found. I see glimpses of this from you.. I am sure if you were more open with your grief, even though it is hard, you might find the door for compassion opens up. I have a feeling this won't ever happen.

"However, too many supporters are openly parroting the Mormons' hostility toward Josh and his father Steve, because Steve is an ex-Mormon."

I actually never even knew Steve was Mormon?! Because it doesn't matter.. I mean really? The "Powell's" could be attacking any religion right now, and it would all sound the same.. "why are you focused on us, look.. we are being attacked! Are we distracting you away from the real cause yet?"


"From the beginning, Susan's father, Chuck Cox, started using the Mormon Church phone directory and Facebook as networks to privately contact Josh's friends and loved ones."

Wow, that is an excellent idea actually.. what an efficient way to contact the neighbors that Susan might have been close too. I would not have thought of this, but when you are looking for your daughter, I am sure you would try ANYTHING.. I would..

As far as the pressure on "Josh"
I have talked to Chuck several times.. He knows how close I am to his daughter.. I have even been around several times when Josh was around, I could have tried to go "pressure" him if I felt the desire when he was in town, but Never was asked to, nor did I have the desire..

Among other things, Chuck was asking people to "pressure" Josh, asking them to withhold affection and friendship, and asking them to spy on Josh. In addition, Chuck's organization used the media to spread rumors and innuendo.

Well.. Chuck never asked me to spy on you. And what was said on TV, I can confirm, Susan shared this with me. More than once. I know what was shared, about the "implied abuse" seemed extremely real to me, and I could share more information, but I feel that the point has been made. Based on conversations with Susan, it is Not RUMORS or innuendo. It is just very frustrating and sad for those of us who know Susan, believe me, we all gave her advice. She just loved Josh so much and really wanted to make it work. She wanted the man back that she Married.

"Josh's estranged sister, Jennifer Graves, is among these detractors. She made it clear that she does not recognize the need to protect the children from the media and general hostility prevalent in Utah.

Jennifer was participating in the "pressure Josh" campaign when she made a concerted effort to alienate Josh from friends in the Mormon Church. After Josh and the children moved in with Josh's father, Jennifer and Kirk Graves made sure that Mormons knew that Josh's father is critical of Mormonism."

Now, maybe I am wrong here, I am not that close to the Powell family at all, however it is my understanding that the Powell's (Josh and Steve) pushed Jennifer away, when she tried to show compassion and concern, and be there for her brother.

Now, Keeping the kids and family in Utah was never about subjecting the kids and family to media. It's about being in the place where you last saw Susan. Trying to keep the kids life as normal as possible, keep them in day care, try to keep a similar routine, with what is familiar to them, not uproot them and turn their world completely upside down, and take away everything mommy away from them.

I know, if my sibling was THE PERSON OF INTEREST in a missing persons case, I would want to be there, and hope that my sibling was willing to talk about it, and I would be there to support my sibling, that would include asking the hard questions, because who else will? and I know my siblings would maybe be upset, however it's family... Family has the right to be open, and hopefully honest with each other, especially when times are hard.

" Jennifer has hated her father, Steve Powell, for openly expressing his views as an ex-Mormon. Although Jennifer's siblings have attempted to maintain a relationship with Jennifer over the years, all four of Jennifer's siblings have always felt that Jennifer strongly resented them as well. Jennifer's long-held grudge has created a divide between Mormons and non-Mormons in the Powell family."

I know nothing about any of this.

This I do know, for reasons I will not share, I know beyond a doubt that Susan had issues with Josh's Father Steve. I know she had her reasons for not wanting to be there for long periods of time. I also know she did not trust leaving her children there. I also know for a fact those reasons had NOTHING to do with religion. That is all I will say about that.



As far as Josh's decision to look into other christian belief's and faiths, I have no quarrels with this, I just pray that he is careful with those children, to not confuse them. I do feel a slower separation from their faith for the children might have been better emotionally. I know Susan would feel devastated. It breaks my heart to know this would break Susan's heart. I just feel like if this is the path you want to take, fine.. I mean really.. I left the church for my own reasons as well. However why are you publicizing this? Why does it feel like the Powell's are just trying to make stabs and fight back, and not honestly making a change in religious views? Maybe just trying to cuase a stir, and detract focus again away from what is really important?

There were some very deep conversations I had with Susan that lead me to believe that Josh was struggling with his belief in God, not just Mormonism, that his beliefs in Christianity as a whole was being shaken. It went beyond Mormonism. That is why I feel this is a ploy to just make another stab. Another distraction technique.


Susan and I had so many in depth conversations about religion, about why I left the Mormon church, what she could do to try and relate to what Josh was going through, and help him through a rough time of questions. She was questioning what life would look like if Josh completely left the church, and how to continue in her own beliefs. She never faltered from her faith. Not once in all of our conversations. I don't believe for a minute that she would testify against her faith. Believe me when I say, if she ever had a reason to doubt her faith, it would have come from our conversations, and not once, did she ever agree with me, but she was always very interested and fascinated by my view points. It helped her understand.


"I cannot bring myself to believe in Mormonism, but I can lean on other people's testimonies."
- I can never bring myself to believe this, I am sure if she had a change of heart / mind, I would have been one of the first to know.

If you only knew.. Josh, I wish you knew how much she really loves you, how she tried so hard, any way she could to make it work. She wanted to be loved and respected in return, that's all. She wanted the man back she married.

Please let your guard down. Start openly and outwardly helping in the effort. Let those who want to help you back in to your life. If there is nothing to hide, and all you want to do is find your wife, use the media. You don't need to drag your kids in, but you may need to stick your neck out there.. If your intentions are good, people will see that, if they are honest and true.


I am honestly heart broken by Josh Powell's actions. That isn't an attack, it is a fact. It is my personal deepest feelings, it is how I feel. Just the way it is plain and simple.

The Most Difficult Child to Photograph

I am sure many of you wonder if I just LOVE Clover more than the rest of, my children, and why I post sooo many more pictures of her. Well it's not true, Kaden is just difficult! I love that boy so much, and I really do try to get more pictures of him.. I am about to post an example of what I get when I take pictures of him.. I love this boy, he is so much fun, but just refuses to smile for me!









And then, When he is least expecting it, I catch a descent smile while he is talking to me..



Then there is attempting to get pictures of him with his Sister who LOVES to take pictures.. this is what usually first ensues, a big fight between the two:





and If I am lucky, I can get them to like each other for a few minutes:





Clover of course is always wanting to take pictures, so it's just too easy!

She's Crafty!

Lol.. couldn't resist the title.. that's right. I'll claim it.. I have my days, I can be creative and crafty! Look what I have been doing on my down time.. Making hats and photo props for adorable babies! =)

I *Heart* Hypnobabies!

If you haven't heard, I love Hypnobabies! If you know me at all you would probably know this is one thing I am passionate about, helping other moms find the power with in themselves to be able to have an amazing birth, full of Comfort and Joy! That natural birth does not have to be scary, that it can truely be an amazing, comfortable and beautiful event. Some people have described me as a two sided coin.. One side the Stock Broker, the other side the natural nature loving hippie! What some people don't realize that it is just one package, it is who I am, in fact all types of people use Hypnobabies, stock brokers like myself, Nurses, Lawyers, Teachers. You don't have to be a Hippie to want a natural birth.

Below is a wonderful video put together by Hypnobabies. I love that it shows pictures of mothers who chose Hypnobabies for their birth experience, and that there is no one type of mother, and no set "location" to have your baby. This video features Hospital births, Birth Center births, and Home Births..

***** You might even get a sneak peak of our cute little family as well.. ;)

Lucky to have good friends!

Clover is one lucky girl! She is lucky to have the friends she has.. One of them is Little Ms. Z.

They always have so much fun together!


You can see how lucky they are to have each other



Clover is one lucky girl! She is lucky to have the friends she has.. One of them is Little Ms. Z.

Let's see what we can all do to find Susan

As many of you know Susan is a very close friend of mine from work, we have known each other for almost six years now. We have laughed and cried together.. been there for each other studying for our Licenses (series 7 and 63 brokers license) We have been pregnant together, been to each other's baby showers. She does my hair, I take her pictures and we let the kids play together. I miss my friend so much and just want to bring her home any way possible.



There has been a lot of emotion over the last month since Susan has been missing. Me and Susan were looking forward to our work party, that was scheduled the same week as the disappearance. She had a joke that she was going to show up Wearing a Tiara, and a prom dress. I couldn't wait to see her actually do it! I went to the work party, and no Susan of course, it was hard.. That very same night, we had the first Vigil for Susan, I cried as we sang "Silent Night" one of her favorite songs.. I spent that week and several others since talking to the police, and giving the media permission to use her beautiful pictures.. Anything to help bring her home.



Before I knew it, Christmas was here, and I couldn't disappoint my kids, I had to pick myself up, and stop worrying so much, I had to show my kids the importance of Christmas, what it is all about about, and how to let love in. I hope my kids don't know how it really felt inside.. numb.. still searching for Susan.. wondering if it is so hard for me.. what is it like for her family? How is it I am so lucky to hold my kids, make Christmas cookies and read them stories and tuck them into bed. I cry just thinking about how Charlie and Braden must feel missing their Mommy.

Braden just had a birthday, and Charlies will be very soon as well. I know Susan, she would never want to miss all of these big important events in her children's lives. If she is alive and out there, I don't want to imagine the torture she is going through, missing all of this. Part of me hopes she is just at peace, and is not going through that kind of pain, or any for that matter.

I just pray some how we find her, that someone knows something that will help bring this Long search to an end. Peace to the torment that everyone close to her like myself is going through. Please do what you can to pass around the flier, send the video link, join the FaceBook friends and family group. There is so much you can do to get her face out there.. You never know who might have seen her, or seen something that can help bring this all to an end, bring her home..

here is her flier: